i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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