Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
