i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
