I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
