We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
sex in a hospital.. check
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
