if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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