just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
