i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
