My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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