i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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