I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
