Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
