I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
