why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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