She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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