he was CRYING into my vagina
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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