I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
