We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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