She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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