I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
