i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
