Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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