I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
