How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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