you guys were way drunker than both of me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
