she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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