I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
