So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
