Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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