you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
