We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
