Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
