Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
