Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
