the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
