you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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