watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Enjoy the penises
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
