I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
