Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
