Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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