the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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