then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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