so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
