"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
