Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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