I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
