His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
