I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
