I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
