I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
