She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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