I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
