I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Nicole vs. Life
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
